The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) pronounced on Dec. 7 that it intends to regulate carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions, now that it has labeled greenhouse gases as dangerous pollutants. This means that Champagne has now been declared a major producer of global warming pollution.
Each bottle of Champagne has 20 million tiny bubbles of CO2 pressurized naturally in the bottle at about 6 times atmospheric pressure. Last year roughly 332 million bottles of Champagne were sold globally, meaning that approximately 6,640,000,000,000,000 tiny spheres of the deadly gas were emitted in an alcoholic haze of mass suicide. The EPA released no mortality figures on the carnage.
From my own personal observations this blog editor can report that inhaling the nectar of Champagne CO2 vapors does indeed make the world seem warmer, at least in my immediate vicinity. At times one even has an urge to remove one's clothing.
The technology that is seemingly the most promising for solving this vexing EPA problem is CO2 capture. Test plant facilities are under construction that seek to pump CO2 into the ground and store it for natural dissipation over time. Of course the world's oceans are collectively the largest CO2 sink there is, holding billions of tons of CO2, however some scientists predict that the oceans are nearly saturated.
In the case of Champagne proposed EPA regulations will require each purchaser of a bottle of Champagne to agree to first inhale the CO2 bubbles as they release, thus in effect becoming a CO2-sink for that bottle. This will quite naturally lead to an extreme sensation of light headedness, which is the whole point in the first place. This will also no doubt lead to a new set of laws for DUI/CO2.
I’m just saying…
Richard Wottrich, Blog Editor
1 comment:
Excellent observations!
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